Forget intelligence. Resilience is what our children need. As a physician, I'm reminded of this on a daily basis, but I also know so many poignant examples from my personal life. I may not be a senior citizen yet, but I've been around the block long enough to see the trajectories of many people's lives from childhood to adulthood. Social media and my own little fetish with following the stories of acquaintances have allowed an unprecedented ability to see how things turned out for any human being I've encountered through my lifetime. Based on these observances, my biggest question as a scientist and physician has been: why do some people succeed in the face of every obstacle, while others have every opportunity but still struggle?
It appears quite logical that children who go through traumatic experiences growing up may suffer a multitude of consequences on their health and well being. Much research, and rightfully so, is being devoted to determining how resilience can be cultivated in these individuals despite their circumstances. That's not what I intend to write about here.
I decided to write about whatever I come across while investigating what I consider to be the most pressing issue I face as a parent. My children have almost every privilege imaginable. They are blessed and they want for nothing, except things they don't really need! Parenting them ought to be basically just a matter of ensuring that they survive to age 18, right? Not in my mind. They're just toddlers now, but already I have the sense that they are smart, passionate, funny, energetic, and loving. And yet, I've seen so many of their slightly older peers who probably started out with all the same attributes, but ended up crushed by self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and years of broken relationships with people who tore them down instead of building them up. I've seen this so many times over, despite being amongst the company of the elite for much of my life - people whose parents had the wealth, power, and influence that one would think could engender success for any child they bore. Perhaps there is little that parents can do to influence some of these outcomes, but the research at this point seems to be limited.
All I know today, as I write this, is that cultivating a growth mindset and internal locus of control appear to be of critical importance in fostering resilience. I'll plan to talk about both of those things at length in future writings - relaying anything I can find out about the science of what is known on these subjects. However, I'm also keen to find out whether there are other ways in which parents can prepare their kids to bounce back. To understand that the road to success is paved in failure. To fall down seven times, but stand up eight.
Other parents may try to get their kids into the best schools, the most rigorous classes. They may get tutors and enroll in after school programs. Their goals and objectives involve things their children will be able to put on their resume, like Ivy League schools and prestigious internships. Personally, I could care less about that. I know there is no magic in the Ivy League. I've reviewed thousands of resumes while hiring for a variety of positions, and I know that the names on the resume mean little when compared to attitude, motivation, passion, flexibility, and creativity. I also know that these things aren't necessarily what school curricula teach. That's why I say, let's forget about trying to make our kids smarter. I'm not very concerned about whether my children will earn a high income, if they earn enough to support themselves and their families. I'm investigating how to raise emotional ninjas. Whether I can put this information into practice is another question entirely, but I'll share anything I find out on the way with you.
All material © Alison Schroth Hayward, MD. All rights reserved.
It appears quite logical that children who go through traumatic experiences growing up may suffer a multitude of consequences on their health and well being. Much research, and rightfully so, is being devoted to determining how resilience can be cultivated in these individuals despite their circumstances. That's not what I intend to write about here.
I decided to write about whatever I come across while investigating what I consider to be the most pressing issue I face as a parent. My children have almost every privilege imaginable. They are blessed and they want for nothing, except things they don't really need! Parenting them ought to be basically just a matter of ensuring that they survive to age 18, right? Not in my mind. They're just toddlers now, but already I have the sense that they are smart, passionate, funny, energetic, and loving. And yet, I've seen so many of their slightly older peers who probably started out with all the same attributes, but ended up crushed by self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and years of broken relationships with people who tore them down instead of building them up. I've seen this so many times over, despite being amongst the company of the elite for much of my life - people whose parents had the wealth, power, and influence that one would think could engender success for any child they bore. Perhaps there is little that parents can do to influence some of these outcomes, but the research at this point seems to be limited.
All I know today, as I write this, is that cultivating a growth mindset and internal locus of control appear to be of critical importance in fostering resilience. I'll plan to talk about both of those things at length in future writings - relaying anything I can find out about the science of what is known on these subjects. However, I'm also keen to find out whether there are other ways in which parents can prepare their kids to bounce back. To understand that the road to success is paved in failure. To fall down seven times, but stand up eight.
Other parents may try to get their kids into the best schools, the most rigorous classes. They may get tutors and enroll in after school programs. Their goals and objectives involve things their children will be able to put on their resume, like Ivy League schools and prestigious internships. Personally, I could care less about that. I know there is no magic in the Ivy League. I've reviewed thousands of resumes while hiring for a variety of positions, and I know that the names on the resume mean little when compared to attitude, motivation, passion, flexibility, and creativity. I also know that these things aren't necessarily what school curricula teach. That's why I say, let's forget about trying to make our kids smarter. I'm not very concerned about whether my children will earn a high income, if they earn enough to support themselves and their families. I'm investigating how to raise emotional ninjas. Whether I can put this information into practice is another question entirely, but I'll share anything I find out on the way with you.
All material © Alison Schroth Hayward, MD. All rights reserved.
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